I do not normally find myself in verbal conflict with my
friends, family, or coworkers. I am one
of those people that seem to be able to get along with others. Sometimes, however, you just can’t avoid
conflict. This is a very true situation
in the military – especially with people of like ranks. When you are the same rank as someone else
there is no, “do this now, that’s an order.”
They are considered your peer and you must either treat them that way or
find yourself in a conflict.
One event that I very much remember was with a member of the
Air Force who was the same rank as me. He
walked in and straight up told me I was going to do a task. Whoa buddy, stop right there. You don’t just come in and bark out orders to
a member of the same rank – especially one that doesn’t even work in your
section. I didn’t outright say this, but
that is definitely an unspoken rule of courtesy to your fellow military
members.
He didn’t do this when the office was empty. No there were about five other members in
there who were all our juniors. So, I have this other E-5 walk in and tell me
what I am going to do in front of my guys.
Double no-no. You don’t attempt
to make someone look weak in front of the people they manage. Even though my first reaction was a sort of
nonplussed anger, I did not let that get the best of me. I simply told him that we were working on
another project and that he’d have to find other people. His reaction was an angry retort that we WILL
come do what he asked (per no higher authority, mind you). Now I’m on the defensive and I reply that
he’s wrong and we are not working for him.
This back-and-forth continued for a good couple minutes where it
escalated to much louder volumes.
Now, there are six confrontation steps to move through as
you manage a conflict with another person:
1.
Preparation: Identify your problem/needs/issues.
2.
Tell the person “We need to talk”
3.
Talk to the other person about your problem
4.
Consider their point of view.
5.
Resolve the problem.
6.
Follow up on the solution (Abigail & Cahn,
2011).
I feel I followed these steps, albeit unintentionally, to a
tee. First I noticed two problems (Identify) – one we were getting nowhere
arguing and two, we were arguing in front of junior members. I stopped the argument and told him let’s
take this to another venue (“We need to
talk”). Now we were alone and able
to calmly address the problem. I told
him my view and he told me his (Step 3
& 4). His point of view was that
his project was a pressing matter and he needed help. Mine was that he went about trying to get our
help in the wrong way.
Cool heads solve
problems much better than hot ones. I
feel that after we each calmly discussed the situation, the problem was
resolved. After the fact, I had a couple
of my guys help him out because his project was important. A lot of times, it seems conflict can be avoided
or at least mitigated by approaching the other party with courtesy and respect.
Abigail, A. & Cahn,
D. (2011). Managing conflict through
communication. Pearson Education. Retrieved from http://online.vitalsource.com.
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